The Last Clap

I often find myself playing the devil’s advocate against myself,
Defending people’s humanity
Yet I can’t even utter their name

In hindsight,
I should’ve seen this coming,
With a heavy heart, I write down my reflection.

 A year worth of lessons I used to call sorrow, 
Letting go used to be my best teacher, until I lost my purpose.

We are too afraid to love and get hurt, yet getting hurt is inevitable.
And distancing yourself hurts too, a different kind,
One that sticks to you like glue
But you don’t feel it, until it gets heavier to do the things you used to do before,
Those baby steps don’t feel as light as they used to,
Yet you wonder why?

Because you truly are happy, right?
They didn’t stand up for you that one time you needed them most,
they didn’t respond to your text from last week and you’re embarrassed,
they didn’t love you enough,
at least not as much as you love them in your head.
At least you get to have control over the hurt you feel,
because you did it to yourself,
and not them.

But the truth is,
  it’s you,
who’s at fault.

Because it’s easier for you to be the victim,
rather than say you are wrong,
or that your coping mechanism is unhealthy,
or that you’re not easy to deal with.
After all that you push,
The only clap you will get in the stadium,
will come from you.

Can’t you see?
Your misery came from you, 
to you.

True victims try to make their life easier,
not harder
So don’t cosplay as the poor lamb,
you’re more wolf than you think you are.