When in solitude

When stories are best kept on screen 
And the I told you so’s get repetitive to say 
I will hold a candle in mourning 
For you and me 
Perhaps 
To each their own 
I’ll struggle to unlearn your quirks 
And the little ways your eyes lit up at a joke
Perhaps 
Time will heal our wounds
And I will able to say goodbye with a light heart
Yet burdens were never known to be light 
Even after years of carrying it 
By the age of 21
Most people would have their heart broken at least once
I like writing at 2AM because I have no choice but to be honest
I get to slow down
Sunken eyes, slow mind, quiet room 
Nothing impresses me anymore 
I find comfort in this silence
It reminds me of all those moments I sat down 
In the middle of the rush 
And took a deep breath 
When a slow deep sigh 
Erupts from my chest
I hold on to the moment 
Embracing its temporary state 
Embracing that I don’t need to hold onto it
Embracing that it’s okay to let go 
I don’t remember anyone’s name 
When in solitude
***
When in solitude 
I wonder why I still read 
Why I still chase dreams 
And why I still have hope 
I wonder a lot and often 
I wonder at night 
And in the morning 
I wonder if I’m meant to just be 
Or not to be 
Thank God I’m molded a human 
I get to mess up again 
And again 
And again 
I liked me better when I was softer 
When I didn’t have my walls up high 
When I didn’t judge me or you
I liked me better when I was learning 
When I didn’t give up 
And when I still showed up 
And when I wasn’t alone 
I liked me better when I remembered the Lord 
And when I was able to love 
The sun shining didn’t stop my garden from getting rained on 
So yes
You can not shield my flowers
I can withstand the storm just fine.